Why I'm not devastated. It feels strange. I don't think I know what I'm doing, and I don't think anything has hit me. No-one listens though, because I'm always seen as the bad guy. How many times do I have to apologise for her to believe that I'm sorry?
Today was good. In a weird way of course. I fucked her up - mentally. I didn't mean too. She pressured me into it though. I couldn't say no, even if I had wanted too, which half of me did and half of me didn't. But then one side gace in and the other remained for the rest of the day - until now.
She's going to totally hate me soon. She's not going to talk to me and the group will split and it will be all my fault. I'm sorry that it wasn't working for me, ok? And I can see it now... in the next few months, my life is going to crash around me. I'm going to be in the picture but I won't be able to move. I'll be screaming but there will be no sound. Nobody will notice. I'll seem to be the happy-go-lucky girl. The one who gets through everything, and the one who never gets upset.
After all, that is who I am, right?
--Out.
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i will notice :) ...
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ly
.x.x.x.