RIP

Well... It's been almost a week now. I don't feel like she's gone though. But I know she is. I still imagine her in the hospital, and I still find it weird how everyone isn't rushing around saying things like, "Well I have to go to the centre tonight so you will have to go see Great Grandma..." etc.

In a way, I'm happy for her. I know she hadn't had the most amazing 10 weeks of her life, being stuck in a hospital, breaking her hip, getting every bug and infection that was going. She was tired of it all. Personally, I think she'd given in anyway. It would be hard to accept that you couldn't do anything yourself for possibly the rest of your life after you have always been so independent. I mean, she was 95 and still living in her own house, with her family around her. Not like most women at that age, who see their family once a week because they are in a care home. She always said she didn't want that, and I'm glad she never had to do it.

And at least I know she wasn't in any physical pain when she died. She was asleep, probably dreaming about when she was a kid or something. Dreaming about her wedding day, my Grandma's wedding day, when her grandchildren, and greatgrandchildren were born. Her own wedding day. I really hope there is something else after this life, because if there is she will be with my Great Grandad now. I met him, but I was so young. I just know she really loved him. And if it's still possible, I want her to be happy.

I'm annoyed at myself though. The last timeI saw her she wasn't even in hospital, she was at home, recovering and watching the TV. Some old fashioned movie, you know the type. Hunky man saves young woman, probably at some point by riding a horse or shooting a gun. Black and white. I remeber she was asking me about college. When my exams were, what I was doing about University. So I told her. And she told me to work hard. She said that I would only get there if I worked hard, but she knew that I could do it. Although it's not the best thing to say as a last conversation, I will remember it. I'm going to do it for her, because I know it would have made her happy. She wanted us all to have brilliant lives. Seen as her's is over, I have to do it.

The funeral is on Wednesday, and I'm having to take a day off college. Don't really want to go, because I know it's going to be really upsetting and everyone will be crying. My grandma will be crying, and that's scary because I've never ever seen her cry before. I remember the time she swore, that was shocking enough within itself. But Wednesday is going to be hard. Wish me luck.

--Out